Archive for the ‘Misc’ Category

Love it or Hate it

February 11th, 2011
Do you know what Health Inequalities are? Do you care?

If you’ve answered no to both of those questions then I think I can safely say that you don’t work in a health related sector and you don’t have a long term health condition. Ok, that’s a generalisation but it’s probably a reasonable one.

The problem with health, and health related matters, is that, generally, people don’t give a toss unless they’re paid to, or they have no choice. People care about the NHS but they care about it is a structure rather than the concepts that underlie it. Most of the activism around health, by the healthy population, purely relates to the opening and closure of hospitals. That’s fair enough, the visible structures are by their very nature visible.

Of the two categories I am firmly in the former. My knee has started hurting a bit recently but overall I care about conceptual health because I’m paid to.

The lack of a wider understanding of the impact of health is a shame. The health of a nation is relatively easy to measure and is a very good proxy for the wider conditions people live in. We can understand a lot about a population from how long they live.

Unfortunately it isn’t a subject that instantly grabs people. There aren’t many laughs in health inequalities. A constant diet of dead babies, fags and chips has a habit of putting people off.

Earlier this week the NHS in Birmingham (and Solihull) organised a  consultation event relating to the recent Government White Paper on Public Health, I gave my somewhat flippant views on that a few weeks ago. I won’t bother again.

Part of this event involved a talk by Sir Michael Marmot. Yes, I know, Sir Michael Marmot.

I know who he is because I’m paid to know. All you need to know is that within the context of Public Health he is somewhat like 50 Cent. Never has a worse analogy been committed.

My problem with Michael Marmot is his name. I seem to fluctuate between thinking his surname is either marmoset or Marmite. It’s neither.

A few years ago he produced a report on Health Inequalities called the Strategic Review of Health Inequalities in England post 2010. Also known as the Marmot Review.

I instinctively think this should be a systematic test of whether marmosets like Marmite or not. I reckon they probably don’t.

There is a rich heritage of writing reports on social inequity, health inequalities and the determinants of health. Sir Douglas Black did it in 1980 with the ominously titled Black Report. The Government didn’t like it and it got swept away.

Our current Government seem to be going with the Marmot Review, which is no bad thing.

Through the wonders of the Internet Sir Michael Marmot’s talk got captured for the world to see. This is where I finally get round to the point.

You should watch this video. I know I’m asking you to watch a half hour video of a man in a suit talking about death. The difference is that this is fairly entertaining, it will certainly give you an insight into how health impacts on the wider population. There is at least one laugh in there and he does get very angry (though only for a second).

Putting Local Communities at the Heart of Public Health – Professor Sir Michael Marmot from Solihull NHS Care Trust on Vimeo.

It’s also handy to see the slides from the presentation as they, well they tell you what he was talking about.

One of the things I can’t quite work out is why I instinctively fixate on marmosets. After all, the marmot is an animal in its own right. I think they also wouldn’t like Marmite.

Posted in Misc, Politics | Comments (1)

Future Phone

February 5th, 2010

It’s not often that someone comes up with an idea that will revolutionise the very core of telecommunications.

Strangely I have just done exactly that. Rather than keep my idea a secret I thought it would be useful to write it down here. Many people would think this is an odd thing to do. After all if it is so good won’t I make a fortune?

The problem is that my overwhelming apathy means that the odds of me even remembering this let alone finishing it is slim.

So what is this idea?

It came to me when someone recently called me. New phones obviously tell you who is calling. That’s all very well but sometimes you need just a little bit more information.

My idea is that before you accept a call the caller must provide additional extra information.

For example many people call me at work with questions. I’d like to be able to pick the phone up knowing how many questions I need to answer. That way we avoid conversation drift.

Equally it would be really handy to have a ball park figure for how long they estimate the call will take. How often have you embarked on what you think is a brief chat only to be still talking as much as fifteen minutes later?

In an ideal world a written outline of the all topics to be covered would be handy but that’s essentially just an email. Someone has already invented email.

The only thing I haven’t figured out is which letter needs to go in front of the word phone and what colour it would be.

That’s my plan and it could well change the world.

Posted in Misc | Comments (2)

Type it…..

June 17th, 2009
I forgot I had a blog. Hopefully I will put a bit more effort in from now on.
I’ve decided to give Google an absolutely free marketing strategy which could play a key role getting them finally accepted as the premier supplier of information services. Though rather than telling them directly I thought I’d put it on here and see if they can use one of their fancy technical things to find it.
Over the last few months I’ve noticed a flattering but probably false trend. During the course of a day quite a few people will either ask me directly or even email me questions. Not necessarily questions that relate to my work but obviously based on a misguided belief that I will be able to answer them. All too often these questions are probably based on whether or not I know someone’s phone number or email address but equally there are some obscure general knowledge things thrown in too.
I’d like to claim that I have a vast repository of general knowledge and frightening memory for phone numbers but it wouldn’t be true. I think I’ve built up a bit of a reputation because I can generally give people answers however obscure their question is. I manage to achieve this through the extremely simple process of taking their questions and typing them into Google.
I assume that I am not the only person that has figured out that Google has quite a lot of information contained in it but it obviously could do with some more promotion.
It surprises me the amount of time people take to ask me questions which they could answer for themselves by just following exactly the same process. Particularly when it seems to take much more time to write an email with the question in than just write the same thing in a search engine.
So there it is. I want Google to start a worldwide “Type it into Google” campaign.
There’s a chance that some people might suddenly realise that my entire knowledge base is typing related but I’m happy for that to happen for the greater good.

Google

I’ve decided to give Google an absolutely free marketing strategy which could play a key role getting them finally accepted as the premier supplier of information services. Though rather than telling them directly I thought I’d put it on here and see if they can use one of their fancy technical things to find it.

Over the last few months I’ve noticed a flattering but probably false trend. During the course of a day quite a few people will either ask me directly or even email me questions. Not necessarily questions that relate to my work but obviously based on a misguided belief that I will be able to answer them. All too often these questions are probably based on whether or not I know someone’s phone number or email address but equally there are some obscure general knowledge things thrown in too.

I’d like to claim that I have a vast repository of general knowledge and frightening memory for phone numbers but it wouldn’t be true. I think I’ve built up a bit of a reputation because I can generally give people answers however obscure their question is. I manage to achieve this through the extremely simple process of taking their questions and typing them into Google.

I assume that I am not the only person that has figured out that Google has quite a lot of information contained in it but it obviously could do with some more promotion.

It surprises me the amount of time people take to ask me questions which they could answer for themselves by just following exactly the same process. Particularly when it seems to take much more time to write an email with the question in than just write the same thing in a search engine.

So there it is. I want Google to start a worldwide “Type it into Google” campaign.

There’s a chance that some people might suddenly realise that my entire knowledge base is typing related but I’m happy for that to happen for the greater good.

New Logo

(If you’re really arsed you could try Wikipedia as well)

Posted in Misc | Comments (2)

Yet More Shit About Twitter

February 10th, 2009

 

twitter_deadbirdDoes the world need another post about Twitter? Of course it doesn’t.
 
Is that a good enough reason to not write one? Well it probably is but I’ll do it anyway.
 
The whole world appears to have become obsessed with a medium of communication restricting every contribution to 140 characters just because Philip Schofield thinks it’s a good thing. That’s just weird. There is no other field of human endeavour where people would sit up and listen to Philip Schofield. If he suggested the Sudanese Government were perpetrating genocide in Darfur most right thinking people would seek a second opinion.
 
I imagine that when Jack Dorsey, Biz Stone and Even Williams first began to consider how to propel Twitter from the niche to the mainstream then Philip Schofield wasn’t at the top of their list.  I doubt they had him anywhere on the list. I doubt they have a bloody clue who he is.

 

Twitter executive: “Who can we get to demonstrate that Twitter is an exciting and vibrant platform for engaging with celebrities?”

 

Twitter employee:  ”Philip Schofield?”

 

Twitter executive:”Who?”

 

Twitter employee: “He used to be a continuity announcer on Children’s TV in the 80′s and was friends with a gopher”

 

Twitter executive: “Please leave.” 

 

The strange thing about it is that it’s actually worked. Through his admission on This Morning he goes on Twitter and…… talks about things, he’s triggered something in the minds of other celebrities. Looking at Schofield’s profile you are suddenly struck by one glaring fact. Over 50,000 other people give a toss about what he’s got to say. That’s slightly incredible. 

 

Now I’m no celebrity but I’m sure if I were it would raise a question in my mind. If that many people care about Schofield then how many would I get? This seems to have prompted an unseemly surge of celebrities gasping to tell us what they’ve had for tea.

 

Jack Schofield (no relation, actually I have no idea if he is or not) has done a handy list of celebrities on Twitter. Stalking truly has never been so easy. 

 

With a little bit of delving you can put a figure on how good a celebrity is. Brent Spinner (Data from Star Trek) has 17,312 followers. When you make a comparison with MC Hammer, who has 45,140 followers, it is immediately obvious that MC Hammer is 160% better. If you think about it, we all sort of knew that, but it’s nice to put a figure on it.

 

Twitter has become the currency of celebrity. It is only a matter of time before we someone from Eastenders top themselves because the public have rejected them through Twitter. I think that can only be a good thing.  

 

It has also provided an insight into celebrity lifestyles. The immediate benefit of Twitter is that someone has the opportunity to communicate with hundreds/thousands  of their “fans” without the barriers of PR or media censorship. The immediate problem with Twitter is, what if you’re boring? A rather bad example of this is Dave Gorman, when he’s on the telly, is a very funny man. On Twitter he comes across as a very very serious man. Now that’s not a bad thing, if you’re funny for a living then having to perform like a seal is probably grating to say the least. 

 

Whereas Richard Bacon who is largely famous for Konnie Huq and cocaine (though probably not at the same time), has turned out to be very funny. I’m a little worried that he has removed freewill from his life and replaced it with Twitter but that is his choice.  Worryingly Richard only has 11,547 followers. This makes him statistically more rubbish than Brent Spiner, my theory could be a bit flawed.

 

The most interesting thing about celebrity usage of Twitter is their inverse relationship with it.  Most people sign up, search out some friends and then wait for someone to notice them. The inverse perspective is to sign up and then get bombarded by requests for information from people you’ve never met before. This makes the point that when we get the likes of Philip Schofield telling us how great Twitter is, they’re really telling us about something that will bear little or no resemblance to our experience.  When it becomes represented in the mainstream as a celebrity stalking tool it loses some of its function  and worth.

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Posted in Media, Misc | Comments (2)

A win with the arrows and an outrageous misfortune

October 9th, 2008

If you cut me I bleed darts. Ever since devoting much of 1986 to the Red Lion’s dart board I’ve had a passion for chucking little bits of metal at walls. To be honest I’ve never really been that good at it but I think I must have a genetic link with the game.

After all, my Dad looks quite a lot like Bobby Bobby Dazzler George and I look quite a lot like my Dad. It doesn’t take great deductive reasoning to figure out that one day I too will look like Bobby which means that at last I could be mistaken for a serious athlete.

The fundamental difference between me and Bobby George is that whilst he is the greatest world champion we never had, I have actually won an international darts competition.

I went on holiday a few weeks ago. It was all right. Like any self respecting middle class Englishman I poor scorn on the concept of manufactured entertainment that characterises the package holiday and see it for the contrived jollity it actually is. Well I did until I found out they give you certificates if you win things.

We stayed in a pretty nice hotel, as it turned out, and one of the things provided to keep us happy were daily games and events designed to keep us hanging around the hotel. Having said that I quite fancied the prospect of the KILLER DARTS competition as I hadn’ played darts in years.

It was looking a bit dodgy to begin with as I was the only person that bothered to enter. After being patronised by the frighteningly happy entertainment man for a few games I finally got a proper competition. Actually this was a bit of a disappointment as I’d noticed I was easily going to beat the bloke paid by the hotel as he always missed the board if there was any danger of me losing. Ah well.

Donald was clearly a much greater challenge. He hadn’t played for years either and neither of us appeared to have much ability to score much more than single figures. That’s in fact pretty hard with darts.

I’d have thought that somebody out there must be asking the question, what the hell is KILLER DARTS? A very good question.

The odds that I’ll remember all of the rules is remote but I’ll give it a go.

  1. Each player has 4 lives
  2. The first player throws three darts and must beat the score of 31. If he/she doesn’t then he/she loses a life. The opponent must then beat the previous score set by the original player or also lose a life.
  3. The first player must then beat the score set by the second player with 10 added to it. So if the second player got 45 in the first round then the first player must beat 55. The second player must then beat the score set by the first player or lose a life.
  4. The first player must then get a score of less than that set by the second player (in the previous round) without missing the board. The second player must then get less than this.
  5. The first player must only hit odd numbers. The second player must also only hit odd numbers but get a higher score.
  6. The first player must get three different colours for example white, black and green. The second player must do the same.
  7. If at any point a player loses all of their lives the sudden death round begins. In sudden death each player takes it in turns to get three 20′s, three 18′s and three 19′s. Theoretically someone could get this in three darts by getting trebles in each but it takes a bit longer..in fact much much longer.

Anyone can see that the creation of the last round makes this game complete nonsense to play. Both myself and Donald had great difficulty in figuring out what the hell we were supposed to be doing but the only thing that really matters in all this is that I won.

Winning the KILLER DARTS has to be one of the proudest achievements in my life to date. Obviously something as important as this needed to be marked with a certificate and fortunately the hotel did not let me down.

I was told that all I had to do was go to the bar at 9:15 where they would have gathered most of the hotel residents to clap and generally applaud my dart throwing ability. I was very excited.

By the time my moment of glory arrived I was on my way to the bar thinking about how people were going to hoist me on their shoulders and parade me around. That was until I got to the bar and realised the horrible truth.

I have no idea why anyone thought this would be a good idea but they had decided to organise the certificate giving ceremony at the same time as the reptile show. Why would you even have a reptile show in a hotel? What if they escape and eat people?

I can’t stand seeing snakes on the TV so there was no chance that I was going to go in the same room as one. As much as I hate snakes I also really love getting certificates. This created one of the greatest dilemmas I have ever had to contend with. I dealt with this by walking about in a small circle looking a bit mental.

Before they announced my achievement they gave a certificate to some kid called Sam who had apparently won the memory game (I was watching through the doors). This made me really angry. If I’d known there was a memory game I could have probably have won that as well. I can easily remember more than a 7 year old. Mainly because I’ve seen more things.

As they announced my certificate I decided I had to confront my fear and strode into the bar looking straight forward. I reckon that bit must have looked quite good as the electric doors flew open in front of me. Unfortunately I ruined the affect a bit by walking into a pillar.

I made it onto the stage where they asked me if I was pleased to have won and all I could think to say was I’m scared of snakes.

Sam then tried to show me up by stroking an iguana in front of me. His dad was there so I couldn’t punch him.

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